Handling Bad Feedback About You

So many Manager and Leadership training focuses on the need as a manager to make sure that you give feedback really well. As a Manager you can spend hours in training and coaching sessions on this topic alone.

But there is one area in feedback that isn’t covered anywhere near as much. That is how do you handle negative feedback from your team about you. In my coaching sessions when managers get negative feedback it can feel more like a counselling session than a coaching session.

All Managers will go through a viscous cycle of:

• Anger

• Resentment

• Frustration

• Despair

• Embarrassment

• Imposter syndrome

And a lot more emotions and thoughts for sure.

This got me thinking, we nowhere near prepare our Managers for receiving negative feedback as much as how do they present this to others. The big kicker for me with this is that in these situations, Managers are trained in how to give feedback, your team unlikely had any training. This means that feedback is going to be a lot more raw and emotionally led than any feedback you will ever get (in a work setting!).

How to process the feedback

Like any feedback do not react immediately. Gather all the information and if this has only been provided verbally, get the team to send this through via written form in email or any other communication channel that you use or find useful (perhaps have a Doc that is shared).

In the initial steps of receiving the feedback your fight or flight senses kick in. There is a chance you will move into defence mode over rational response. Hence you need the time and space to fully digest but also really understand all the information. There is a chance you will only hear a small piece of the feedback and react to what you hear, but missing key sections.

As soon as the feedback is given I would recommend you do the following:

• Focus on your breathing (fight and flight you need to ensure logic and reason are being engaged over emotion).

• Get the feedback in writing

• Agree on a time to follow, reduce the emotion within the room and across the team

• Thank them for the feedback, the fact feedback is being shared demonstrates the team feel safe to bring this up to you.

Context will be your friend with the feedback. Make sure you get the full picture and the context of the feedback.

In some companies you may well get this feedback from the HR or your own manager. In this situation you need to take into account that your team have raised feedback which is great, but not directly with you. This is not something to be concerned about and should not be dwelled on for too long.

Just like anything you need space and time to process and review the feedback. Don’t delay in the next stages of the process otherwise you will create the setting that the feedback is discredited and team don’t have a voice.

Managing the feedback with the team

Once you have had a short period (c.24 hours) to review and process the feedback the next step is getting together with your team.

This is a space for them share with you directly. If needed either have your HR representative present or a third party. This is useful for your team as much as you as they may see and interpret things differently. They can be your sounding board to help with ensuring a smooth team dynamics going forward.

Within this meeting you should be consistently listening and not speaking a huge amount, only to validate and gain further information on points you don’t understand.

Top tips for running this meeting well:

• Stay calm and actively listen

• Ask questions when you are unsure on comments / need further information

• Spend time understanding what a way forward or solutions looks like

• Ensure everyone has a voice and time to respond

• Summarise the key points at the end

• Highlight items for moving forward

• Maintain a growth mindset, how can you use the feedback to develop further as a leader and manager.

After the meeting ensure that you follow up with the key actions items to the wider team summarising the key statements and points from the meeting.

It might also be helpful to connect with your HR representative or manager or coach to get their insights and what they saw from the meeting. Having someone else play those external eyes and ears for you will be really impactful as you start to move forward with the team.

Moving forward

The key thing about this is ensuring that everyone including yourself are able to move forward. The fact that the team have raised feedback should (a difficultly) be seen they care and what to ensure the team does the right thing. This shows that you, as the manager, have created a space where people feel comfortable speaking. This is not something that all Managers have been able to do effectively either!

Working with the team and HR team to have a strong plan moving forward will help you and the team. Make sure you have someone that can give you accountability on the action plan.

Most important piece in this is the regular check-ins with the team on progress and whether anything else needs to be addressed.

You may find it useful to run annual sessions where feedback on you as a manager is shared and plan going forward is put in place. This all helps with giving the team a voice.

It’s when people feel they don’t have a voice is when they start voting with their feet towards the exit door. Listen and act and you are onto a great space with building a good team dynamics.

Your action items

If you have negative feedback about you here is a quick list of things to focus on:

• Remember to stay calm

• Remember them sharing feedback is a good thing, they feel safe

• Ensure you get all the information and ask follow up questions

• Have time to process

• Remember flight or fight and keep these emotions in check

• Focus on a way forward

• Allow everyone to have a voice

• Follow up

• Connect with your coach or HR representative for additional support

Book Recommendation

This week’s book recommendation is an all time classic and helps every team and manager to really think through how teams operate and work together. Really helpful when starting out as well as going through challenging times.

The 5 dysfunctions of a team - Patrick Lencioni

Purchase this here or where ever you purchase your books.

Questions?

I am looking at adding in a section from new managers on their questions and answering these to provide additional support and help.

Have some questions please submit these here

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